Rule 1 of 17 · Chapter I — Before the Date: Being a Person Worth Meeting
Become someone you would actually want to date
Why this rule exists
I am about to share a manoeuvre so cunning it borders on unfair: have a life. Yes, before you go looking for someone to complete you, consider being reasonably complete already, which is to say a person with friends, a hobby, a thing you care about, and a Sunday that does not consist solely of waiting. This is presented as advanced strategy, but the shameful truth is that people are drawn to those who are already living, not those treading water in a holding pattern until rescue arrives. A full life is not bait; it is simply the most attractive thing you will ever accidentally do. It also means that if a given romance does not work out, your entire existence does not collapse like a folding chair, because it was never propped up on one person to begin with.
In practice
Build the life first and let dating be the garnish rather than the meal. Keep the friendships that predate any romance, because they are your ballast. Take up the thing you keep saying you will take up, join the class, tend the small pursuits that make you interesting to talk to and, more importantly, content to be alone with. Notice whether you actually like your own company, and if you do not, that is the real project, not your dating profile. The goal is not to become impressive on paper but to become genuinely occupied by things you enjoy, so that a partner adds to a good life rather than being drafted in to rescue an empty one.
When it doesn't apply
You do not need a symphony of hobbies and a rich inner tapestry before you are permitted to text anyone; that is just procrastination wearing a halo. Perfectly happy people date, and slightly lonely people date, and both are allowed. The rule warns against outsourcing your entire sense of self, not against ever wanting company.